Is that Nicole Kidman?

G and I visited a comedy club last night for a show. Because we called ahead for tickets (and G had an American accent), they seated us right up front. Scary!

After being reassured from the staff that the comics would be kind and leave us be, we kept our seats up front. The first comic was weak…the second was very good. And the third was Nicole Kidman. Well, almost. She has the red hair, and she is Australian, and she’s a dead ringer…but she doesn’t have the millions to go with the looks. She’s Sarah Kendall, an aspiring actress (she’s writing her own sitcom now..ala Seinfeld). Maybe she’ll be famous.The comics did pick on us a bit, but we learned a couple tricks. Here’s what to do in order to avoid the onslaught of a stand-up comedian:

• If you’re not gay, don’t sit near the front with a friend of the same sex. Even if you’re friends or brothers, the comic will tear you to pieces.
• Drink only moderately. Otherwise, the folks on stage will use your drinking habits to their benefit (two guys last night went through 4 bottles of wine in a two hour set–they were teased and weren’t with it enough to respond without giving the comic material–train wreck).
• If the comic asks you a question, don’t give answers with too much personality. Keep it short and sweet. Smile so they’ll feel badly if they tease you.
• Wear something VERY boring and non-descript.
• Keep quiet.
• If you’re with your partner, show that you like each other but DON’T be overly “lovey”. The couple next to us had had a bit to drink and they were leaning on each other and such (gave the comic lots of material).
• Don’t sit upfront. The show is more fun if people who break all the rules sit up front–otherwise, the comic doesn’t have much material to work with.

Today, we’re off to Greenwich to see where time begins…