Travel For FOUR

Many of you will remember that upon announcing that we were moving to the UK 5 years ago, we planned to move abroad for ‘a year or maybe two at most’. Thereafter, we loved it here more than we expected and decided to stay a bit longer…and then a another bit…and here we are now, 5 years in. And so, we’ve decided to stay for citizenship (provided the UK will have us). And today we’ve finally been granted Indefinite Leave to Remain–we’re now just one step away from Citizenship. YAY!

As part of this, W (and any future children) will also have dual citizenship and all the rights and privileges that come with it–mainly the chance to live wherever we/they wish within the European Union (as well as the UK). In fact, W will be granted his British citizenship this fall! Well before G and I.

So, today’s a big day for us. Who would have dreamed that this would’ve been true. Me, a Virginia farm girl, having never traveled outside the US (not counting Canada) before 2004. And G, who decided to be a Bradley Scholar over applying to become a Rhodes Scholar as he ‘didn’t want to live in the UK’.

We’re quite literally an ocean apart from the McMansion and stead which we might have dreamed for ourselves upon our marriage 10 years ago. Just goes to show that ‘life plans’ are made to change…thank you to our family and friends for being so supportive as our plans have evolved.

My little sister became engaged last July and announced that she would be married this summer. As a teacher, a summer wedding best fits with the school calendar and the nuptials were held in South Carolina on 2 July. Given the date…I could take W & G and be at risk of being unable to get W back into the UK, or leave them behind. Given the choices, we opted for the second. Hence, W was just 9 weeks during my first overnight trip–and I was across an ocean rather than across state lines. Needless to say, it was a teary goodbye.

I expressed milk every 3 hours at every turn along the 72 hour jaunt. Fun, fun 🙂 But, if anyone ever needs tips on pumping in the loo in flight, I’m your girl…

In all seriousness, it was a lot of fun! My sister and her husband had a small wedding on the beach and everything went as planned. Upon returning to the UK, some said that I seemed surprised that my sister had pulled things off…in hindsight, I was! To my mind, she’ll always be the 9 year old that I left behind upon moving off to college…

Well done to Kellie & Patrick Johnson…may you find marriage to be a true treasure and never-ending pipeline of fun [interspersed with only enough worry to make you appreciate the good times]. We love you!

On 9 July two friends of Indian descent were married in Southwest London.

Going in, I wasn’t sure of what to expect, but knew it would be a huge party and a fun day out. Unlike protestant ceremonies which can be done within 10-15 minutes, many Indian ceremonies last for DAYS! In India, my understanding is that they’re typically 3 days…and up to 500 will attend. Imagine?!?!?

This ceremony was abbreviated to just shy of two hours, but still quite long by comparison to more typical western standards. Traditionally, Indian wives would leave their families and be joined to their husbands upon marriage. Given the difficulties of travel, etc, wives would seldom, if ever, be able to see their own families again and, hence, many of the traditions of the Indian Hindu ceremony are a tad solemn.
While I’m sure to get loads of the details wrong, here are a few things I noticed:

• Bride’s Presence: A huge portion of the ceremony takes place before the bride even enters the room. Presumably, this is because the soon to be husband is negotiating for the bride’s hand?
• GORGEOUS Costumes: The bride and groom’s ivory, gold and red costumes are absolutely stunning!
• Best Reception Food Imaginable: Either Indian food naturally lends itself toward catering for the masses, or our friends found the most incredible Indian caterer to be found. YUM! Our table even requested seconds!
• Photobooth: What a cool idea?! The happy couple hired in a photobooth to take photos which would accompany each’s guest’s signature in the guest book.

Our friends have been together for 3 years +/- and they’re are a really handsome couple–and a perfect match. And though my sleep deprived mind made conversation a bit difficult, I was honoured to attend the festivities.

W’s now 12 weeks old!

The last 3 months have gone by so quickly…and we now more fully understand the statement ‘they grow up so fast’. Upon our last post, W was still rather new and we were all still just getting acquainted. Now, we all have grown comfortable with one another and are venturing closer to the ‘new normal’.

So, I’ve been humbled in motherhood. Upon reading the books last winter, we felt that we had it all figured out. We would:

1. Have baby on a schedule within the first month

2. Resist the temptation of co-sleeping and feeding the baby to sleep

3. Never, ever let baby sleep on his tummy

4. Pump enough milk within the first weeks in order to feed baby during the 3 days I would be away in early July (for my sister’s wedding)

These and countless other rules/goals were pushed to the wayside when reality set in. Apparently, rules are meant to be broken and parenthood has a way of humbling us all into knowing that we are no longer in control. We feel confident that we’re making the best choices that we can under the circumstances, but it’s not as easy as the books would make it seem.

That said, we feel so blessed to have little W as part of our clan…he’s a little treasure and we wouldn’t trade him. Just this week he’s found his hands and feet…and, of course, he’s a smiley boy. We’re loving life as a family of three…

When I was preggo with Walker, g and I would have pseudo conversations with baby. Really just excuses to talk around baby in utero (so that he would recognise G’s voice upon birth), the topics we covered were inconsequential. But toward the end, a lot of them hinged upon Walker’s wish for pony and g’s reassurance that he could ride his giraffe (a nursery prop) or, perhaps borrow his uncle’s donkeys or grandpa’s cows on the farm in Virginia.

How surprised we were on Sunday when Walker whinnied like a horse! He’s a good mimic and we think he was attempting to copy our laughter, but it sounds just like the pony ‘he begged for in utero’…and makes me giggle every time. Now, because he’s gotten positive reinforcement from us, he makes the sound ALL the time. And it melts us to the core. Ahhh…motherhood.

In other news, he also copies our facial expressions. Moulding a little person is a crazy, new (and fun) experience for us. So far, so good.

Surprises

• Who needs a diaper bag? Everything we need for a few hours out will fit in the pram basket.
• Logic and parenting books go out the window when your baby cries at 4am. At that point, baby gets what he wants.
• Breastfeeding is hard work. And just when you figure it out, someone ‘moves your cheese’.

What an appropriate introduction to motherhood, and a total lack of control 🙂

In denial, I had chalked up all the various early labour signs and signals to my imagination throughout the weekend. We had just returned from our friend Lottie’s bank holiday barbeque at 10:30pm and gone to sleep at 11:30. Then, at 1am, I felt that I needed to go to the loo (not abnormal). Only, when I stood up, my waters gushed out! G had to grab a bucket.

At 36 weeks and 6 days (1 day short of term), G and I stared at each other, still in denial, I tried to convince myself that I had simply wet myself (I think this is the ONLY scenario that could conceivably cause me to think that wetting myself is the possible upside :)). Once we emerged from denial, I took a shower and tried to convince myself I could go back to sleep. After an hour of contractions, they were nearly 2 minutes apart and we decided to call the hospital. They advised us to come in immediately…we waited until 3am to call the taxi.

He was stuck in my birth canal for many hours, attempting to come down with his hand by his face. 29 hours of labour later (and 45 hours since waking from our last night’s rest), W was born at 6:20am on the 27th. Delivery was tricky…and, as a result, he was a bit battered and bruised upon arrival. The poor little guy was swollen and a bit grumpy whenever anyone went near his head or neck, for good reason.We’ve since had a cranial osteopath in to adjust his head and neck and W is now much happier.

Luckily, hormones have led me to forget the details of labour and delivery 🙂

Since arriving home on the 29th of April, we’ve gotten to know one another. Though we generally stick close to home,we have ventured out for the odd meal out and a few other jaunts. And getting out has really helped me to recover–I feel more like myself when out and about and able to walk around the borough. Without our walks, I would have been miserable.

So back to the theme for this post. Motherhood has brought many surprises. Amongst them:

1. W has a mind and strong will all his own. Our job is to guide him, he will not allow himself to be tightly controlled.

2. Though we’re not currently working, there’s no free time. Tending to W takes about 8-10 hours per day and we cram whatever we would normally do into the remaining time. So much for leisure reading and cafe breaks…for now.

3. Breastfeeding is hard work! Though I realise it’s different for every person, I’ve found it to be overwhelmingly difficult. Building one’s milk supply takes so much focus and dedication that it leaves little time for anything else.

4. W is noctural and transitioning him to our cycle is nearly impossible at such a young age. We’ll get there, but have had to reset expectations that he may get to where we want him to be in month 1, not week 1.

5. They advise that you pack your hospital bag 4 weeks early…and it’s for good reason. I honestly thought he would bake until June! (Ha!)

6. A smile from W makes it all worth it (trite, I know…and yes, I realise it’s just gas :))